Milla 366

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Milla 366: 366/366

Milla,

I couldn’t possibly ever explain to you how much I love you, but I hope all of these photo’s and stories can.  Thank you for filling our lives with joy and laughter and song.  You are our delight sweet one and you will continue to be our delight as you grow – even when you think we’re annoying and old.

We will be here for you anytime, anywhere.  We will let you be free, to be you, and we will encourage you to follow your dreams.

We will fail, we will upset you, we will do the wrong thing sometimes, but know that we are trying and that no matter what, we love you to the moon and back.

Enjoy my darling.

 

Zen’s 366

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Zen 366  - 366/366

My little boy.

By the time you are old enough to read this you will probably be sick to death of hearing about it.  You’ll know I am unforgivably soppy and not very funny or cool.  You’ll probably flick through it once or twice and laugh at your silly faces and our daggy clothes. You’ll also probably ask why on earth we insisted on dressing you in tie-dye everything.

I know it will be tempting to palm this off as a vague set of recollections, but I hope it can be more for you.  I know it’s just one year, just one tiny little snapshot of our lives, but there’s more to it than that.

This year I didn’t just take pretty pictures (actually, a lot of them were technically awful) and I didn’t just write sweet words.  This is a visual representation of what it means to be part of our family.  This is your key to what we do and why, to how much we adore you, to who you are before you begin thinking about who you are.  It is you at an age where you are raw and real and honest and before you care about your sense of self and ego.

If you ever feel confused, angry or frustrated at life or us or finding yourself, please come back here.

Because between the written lines, behind the smiling faces, you will find Zen.  You’ll find us and we will love you – just the way you are – forever.

To my daughter, what I want you to know…

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To my daughter, what I want you to know…

Milla,

There are so many things about this world I want to explain to you.  Many will have to wait, but a few I can share here.

Like any mother of a young girl I am terrified for you.  Feminism has helped bring about so many changes, but there are still so so many that need to be made.

You will grow up feeling like your place in life is to submit, to be quiet, to do exactly what you’re told at all times without question, to be amicable and polite and giving of yourself at all times without question.  Question that.

You will likely get less recognition for achieving the same tasks as peers that are male.  Fight that.

You deserve to be respected and cherished in all of your relationships.  Never underestimate that.

You will feel compelled to be sexy, to be beautiful, to let your body belong to someone else before you’re ready.  Don’t accept that.  You are beautiful and you hold a great deal more power than you know by just being you, by just being a woman.  Hold onto that.

You have the ability to grow life inside of you and give birth.  That is powerful, you are strong, you are capable.  You are in charge of your body and how you experience this, not the doctors or midwives or other mothers – if you choose to have children, you will know your body and your baby best, trust that.

You have the capacity to have fierce, unconditional love. To carry the burden of others, to carry the burden of the earth’s tears, to share in other’s joys and pains.  Your capacity is deeper than the ocean and sometimes that depth wells up – sometimes you won’t even know why the tears come, but it’s your giant heart darling, feeling the pain of so many in a lost world.

You will be told you need to lose your sweetness, your kindness, your generosity, your innocence to be taken seriously.  Don’t believe that.

Above all, always remember that you are more than enough as you are.  Never try to prove that to anyone, just know it.

And if you ever forget, come to me and I’ll tell you.  I’ll whisper in your ear the thousand ways you have made my life so much brighter just for being in it, and the thousands of ways you make this earth brighter just by being you.

 

Carving your own way

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Zen 366: 365/366

Our deep thinker.  I love how tiny you are, just a 4 year old babe, yet how complex and abstract your mind is.  I love that you take everything in, but you never just absorb like so many children do.  You question everything and you weigh everything up against the high moral code you are building in your heart.

You’ll never just go with the flow for the sake of it, you question authority and rules and values and routines.  Anything new is scrutinised down to the last crumb – “Why can people cut down trees? Who’s going to stop them?  How is it useful?  Who is it helping?  Where do the animals go when they lose their home?”

You look at life through an ego-less lens and so often I’m taken back by your blunt and occasionally brutal assumptions about life – “It doesn’t really mean anything does it?  What are we even here for?  We just always have to do what everyone else wants us to do”

I’m always challenged, always inspired.  You help me parent you better, you are never shy about letting me know what needs to change and how, and I am so grateful!  Children don’t come with a manual, but your honesty comes close.

It doesn’t make it easy.  It means sometimes I have to trust you more than strangers and even people I love and respect.  It also means that there are a number of times where I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing, by parenting badly, by not whipping you into line and stripping you of any desire to assert yourself over “authority” figures.

But I can’t do that and I won’t do that.  As hard as it is to parent a child who doesn’t follow all the rules, I think it would be harder to parent a child who only follows them because they are afraid of the consequences if they don’t. Although I never know how this will work out, I do know that your beliefs and values and integrity are developing because YOU understand why they are important, not because it’s been beaten into you.

Never doubt your instincts.  Society will tell you to stop asking questions, but I never will.  You will always have purpose and wisdom with a heart as humble as yours.

Regardless of how hard society tries to brainwash you into thinking that you’re going too far against the grain, remember that you are carving your own path.  Just because everyone else is going in a different direction, it doesn’t make it the right one.

Yearly report for Milla

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JANUARY ROUND-UP

I wanted to do this before our project ended, so here we are.

Age: 2.8

Likes: Yoghurt, Anything sweet, Superhero’s, Pulling funny faces, Zen

Dislikes: Being separated from loved ones, Being told ‘no’

Favourite phrases: Um, picause…picause… (because), Zenny hit me (regardless of whether or not she was, in fact, hit)

Favourite movie: Ponyo

Awesome skills: Eating (seriously, she’ll often down 4 serves of dinner and eat non-stop ALL day!), Drawing faces, Pulling faces, Flooding the house using only plastic cups

Things that you are working on right now: Getting all your wees in the potty all the time, Writing ‘M’ for Milla, Telling the truth

Most loved colour: Blue

Most loved toy: Pikkie wik (Guinea pig…obviously…)

Best friends: Zen, Judah, Priya

Outfit of choice: Red buggie swimming cap, purple elephant onesie, White fluffy mouse costume